Thursday: C25K - week 1, workout 1

I crawled out of bed, grumbling and wrestled myself into workout clothes this morning. David and I walked to the gym in complete silence other than a few grunts. Neither treadmill was working. We grumbled and grunted more and loudly because the gym is new, so why the equipment isn’t working is a mystery. Stupid apartment complex. We decided that we could try running outside, despite the chill and the differences in our paces. I secretly thought this a crazy idea, but we promised ourselves we do this, so whatever. We ran and walked, and ran and walked…. It’s amazing how long 60 seconds of running feels and how short 90 seconds of walking feels, particularly at an ungodly hour.

As we do this around the parking lot, I’m self-conscious. There are kids going to school, business types heading to work, people taking trash to the dumpster. People are seeing me run. I’m not paranoid to think people are watching me run in the “I’ll be watching you” sense. But people are seeing ME run. Jiggly parts and all. And I immediately assume they are judging me – my lack of speed and grace and athleticism, my red face, my jiggliness. And I wanted to run and hide. I don’t feel better; I feel worse. More than that, I feel ashamed. But as I plodded forward in my morning run/walk, I begin thinking differently. Damn straight, I AM RUNNING. And good for me. Who is anyone (including myself) to pass judgment on me? I may not be a graceful or athletic or attractive runner, but I am giving it a go and that’s the point.

A journey always begins with a single step.